Headed for New England: What are we forgetting?

We used to run off to Boston regularly to see friends and have adventures, but haven’t been since Owen came along, and now we’re planning a trip in early autumn.

We’ve never made such a big trip with a kid! There are things we need to see: always the ducks, maybe the science museum, apple picking at Nashoba. But there’s a lot we don’t know about at all. We have maybe four days, which will be combined with socialization, down time, and a little driving in the general area in a triangle formed by Cape Cod, Bolton, and BOS.

And I’m making a shopping list (right here) of things we might need for the airplane, quiet times, for Owen to have something to focus on when needed.

What am I forgetting? What should we definitely see, what should we avoid, and what will we need to remember for the trip (red-eye both ways) that I’m completely forgetting? He’s 3, and though he’s super-active, he seems most interested in books and ideas and activities meant for kids in the 3-5 range.

me and the ducks
(Based on this photo, I calculate that we started our Boston visits nine years ago. I always visit the ducks. Always.)

maybe I should just cut my hair short

Earlier today I aimed a post at facebook, with hootsuite, and accidentally sent it here … but didn’t realize it until much later. So here’s this one-liner. Apologies. The link’s now spreading so I’ll leave it.

maybe I should just cut my hair short again and dye it pink/purple/blue RT @mactavish: Pride 2014 http://t.co/owHZCRljrc

Pride 2014

This has been the second year in a row I haven’t marched in San Francisco Pride, after having marched in it for years before.

I feel sort of weird about that, it’s been just about my most important holiday for ages. I’m too gimpy right now … even if the Bay Area Bi Network has a truck for our contingent that I can ride in, getting *to* where the contingent waits then waiting there is really hard for me at this degree of gimpiness.

And this year, too, I just sorta wasn’t feeling it. I know that there is some inherent political expression in it, no matter what, but the political kerfluffle got a bit much for me last year, I’m starting to feel a little bit of a party line to toe that I haven’t felt in the community since I was much more peripheral to it, back in the seventies and early eighties, when my eldest sister was in a community of pretty hardcore lesbian socialist activists, some of whom (for instance) would have huge arguments about (say) the need to support lesbian mothers and let them bring their children to lesbian spaces while at the same time maintaining womynspace, and thus the need to draw a line about letting lesbian mothers bring boy children to gatherings, the need to decide when a child developed “boy energy” enough to be excluded. And of course, trans was right out and bi highly suspect.


As I said, I was very peripheral to that mini-community, an interested and welcome bystander of a sort, but the feelings of “wait, it’s more complicated than that” have been arising around Pride and politics for me these days, with the concurrent discomfort in discussing how I feel about the issues.

But I love Pride, and I love identifying as queer and having that all be part of my life. I love contributing to bisexual visibility. I love the party. I am just not as sure as I used to be how to participate in a way that feels full and comfortable for me. I’m in a two-mom-one-dad household but my primary romantic partner is male, I have no female partners. I have a kid, but I don’t feel like i’m out on the queer-mom front lines the way other two-mom families are, where the moms are a dyad. But the shape of my family is a lot of who I am right now, a lot of what makes me queer.


I’m a very middle-aged, gimpy, suburban nowhere-on-anyone’s-gaydar white mother of a preschool-aged boy. What do I do with this?

an aside

I want to go camping! but no way can I sleep on the ground anymore (I used to camp, quite literally, in a sleeping bag on a poncho, no tent) nor even set up a tent these days. But I want to take Owen camping like I used to do. So I think I’ll get a pair of cots, if I can manage that much next summer, and rent or borrow a van or small camper, and take the boy camping. We can sleep outdoors, and run inside in case of (rare in summer, here) rain, and I can not have to cope with as much fumbling and pain, and it will be camping.

Island in an Island

I don’t remember why I was poking around at the general Qatar/UAE area on google maps, but Owen saw islands in the Gulf and wanted to look more closely at them (“zoom in! zoom in!”) so I did, and this is one that we looked at, and he noticed that it has an island in an island, and loved it for that. It became his favorite island in that moment.

Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 7.54.18 PM

it’s been a week, or maybe a month

Our landlord wants his house back so we’re hunting for rentals.

We’d been looking to buy, too, but can’t find a rental with less than a year’s lease, and can’t buy a house (because of ordinary waiting/processing time of each step) in less than our remaining time at this house, so we’re looking to rent. Again. I am so done with renting.

Right now the rental market is such that maybe one or two houses per day, on average, pop up that meets our needs. (Must allow dogs — and we search for anything that doesn’t specify “no pets” — and be near work and/or useful public transit for Casey and Audrey, must have a backyard that’s fenced and not mostly concrete, must have at least four bedrooms with at least one but preferably two downstairs.)

So I’m packing, and house-searching, and trying to keep up with Owen and be a good Mom while Casey job-hunts (bad time to be between jobs) and Audrey is in a super-busy time at work and has little free time.

So this week was a bad week to injure my shoulder badly enough that it’s best if I keep it in a sling when I’m not flat in bed. My left arm is, in fact, maybe 10% as useful as usual. (No, I’m not going into how I injured it. It was not an interesting injury, was a very basic movement doing a very basic activity, but not something one discusses on blogs.)

Oh, and because of my rheumatoid arthritis doing a job on my fingers and wrists, I can’t lift more than maybe 5 pounds with one hand, I need another hand, or help, or just not to have a painful shoulder on a slung arm.

It’s one hell of a week.

But because that was all about complaining, I’m going to give you a photo of Owen and the bunny bread his beloved Nina gave him when we ate lunch at Boudin Bakery this week.


Maybe I didn’t need to know how he felt

Adventure time: http://youtu.be/7p3vNzYuTnk