looking forward

I really don’t do resolutions. I find that if I need to change something, it’s best that I start looking at that as soon as I notice it.

But because this is an arbitrary year-starting date, I am looking forward at 2013 a little bit.

Among the things I hope can happen and am working toward even now:

I’m decluttering and keeping things a little tidier, and getting much better about not hanging onto things I don’t need, like old clothing that almost fits.

I am revisiting — not trying to change, not worrying about, but just revisiting to see what’s right for me these days — my relationships with food and exercise and how they fit into my world of health, disability, and body consciousness.

My RA is getting a bit better again after a couple of years of severe flare, still not great but I can sit on Owen’s bed without falling onto it, and more importantly, I can get up again if I do. It’s a little better. I have some tiny hope that I can crochet one day. In the meanwhile, I’m also looking at this from a “letting go of things” sense, realizing my fingers might have permanent damage, and fine-motor crafts might be out of reach indefinitely. But I’d like to do a beautiful, makery craft, and I’m thinking of getting into dyeing, perhaps even natural dyeing with things I find around here, invasive plants, that sort of thing. Eucalyptus, mustard. Maybe food waste like beet juice, and spices.

I feel like I’ve hit a huge new stage in my life. I’m not sure I have all the words for it, but this is just a happy little home life where I fit and aside from some of the above, like health, I have everything I want and need. I don’t need more.

I love my family so much.

This is the life I’ve always wanted and never knew I always wanted.

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